leave your inhibitions at the door
The 55th Annual Grammy Awards are on television this Sunday. Since I’m so music-obsessed, you’d think that I’m going to watch every second of it. Sure, there are always some great performances and this year’s lineup looks promising – Ed Sheeran, Fun., Mumford & Sons, Justin Timberlake, and Alicia Keys…
Alicia Keys hot
But every year, there’s a bunch of stuff that downright ticks me off. So here are the Top 5 reasons I’m not watching them this year.
5 – It’s on network television.
A couple of years ago, they made the moronic decision to have Lil Wayne perform on the Awards telecast. It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just that three-quarters of the song ended up getting bleeped out. Wiz Khalifa is scheduled to perform and I can’t imagine one of his songs without cursing or drug references.
Even more distressing is the news from E! Online about how the show’s producers have put out a memo detailing a very strict dress code this year. Part of it reads:
“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.”
WHAT?!? No sideboobs or nipslips? It’s amazing that, as a country, we’re still that prudish about knockers.
Then again, it’s not like Taylor Swift’s going to do any of that …
Taylor Swift sexy
4 – Ridiculous Hype
There’s always a ton of hype over something at the show that always ends up being completely overblown. A few years ago it was Lady Gaga showing up in an egg or something like that. Last year, they kept on saying, “Coming up, the Nicki Minaj performance everyone’s going to be talking about tomorrow.”
She came on and did “Roman Holiday” which was supposed to get Catholics up in arms. It just sucked. If you want to see it, here’s a link.
Nicki Minaj nude
3 – Neil Portnow
He’s the president of the National Acadamy of Recording Arts and Sciences, the people that actually give out the awards. It’s a huge responsibility and I’m sure he’s done a lot for securing the future of the recording industry.
I just know him as that asshole who comes on and brings the show to a screeching halt by giving his spiel about how illegal downloads are killing the industry.
2 – Snubs
These are the worst. I realize that awards like these are somewhat subjective and that who I want to win doesn’t always line up with the Academy’s choices. But every so often, there are some winners that completely defy any semblance of logic. Here are some classic examples:
- 1992 – Eric Clapton’s slowed-down acoustic version of “Layla” beats out Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” for Best Rock Song.
- 2000 – Steely Dan’s unlistenable “Two Against Nature” won Top Album over Eminem’s “The Marshall Mathers LP” and Radiohead’s “OK Computer.”
- 1988 – The very first Grammy for Best Heavy Metal performance went to Jethro Tull instead of Metallica. I don’t think anyone would ever classify Tull in their heyday as Heavy Metal. Definitely not in their 1988 over-the-hill version, either.
The big news this year is that Justin Bieber and Psy were NOT nominated in any category. I know there’s a lot of people who don’t like the Biebs. But Gangnam Style?
That’s the most viewed YouTube video of all time and was a huge song around the world. How could this not be acknowledged? Apparently, people think it’s because it’s a novelty like “Macarena” and the Grammy’s are for serious artists. You know, ones that will stand the test of time, not silly one-hit wonders.
Really? As if Men at Work, Young MC, or Taste of Honey went on to do anything else?
1 – The Walking Dead is Back
Hell yeah!!! It’s been way too long of a break for this awesomest of awesome show. Frankly, even if they magically fixed #2-5 on this list, I’m still watching TWD.
I found this fan video that not only got me even more pumped up for the show, but also makes up for that Radiohead snub.
Which are you going to watch?