leave your inhibitions at the door
I’m getting excited again for the 83rd Annual Acadamy Awards next weekend – Sunday, February 24th to be exact. Last week, I gave my reasons for not wanting to see the Grammys. But the Oscars are better because there’s a lot more tradition and the star power is considerably higher. Music evolves much quicker, so the Grammys have to try harder to stay relevant. And they usually fail miserably. There are also more musicians vying for more awards, so they are always trying to get attention by doing more outlandish things. With the Oscars, on the other hand, the actors are aware of and are more reverent of Hollywood traditions. Sure you may get the occasional flake like Bjork (a musician) trying to be completely outrageous…
…but they end up being universally derided as total idiots so no one dares trying to top them.
Last year, I wanted to do an Oscars post featuring the nominees for Original Song. But, unbelievably, there were only two nominees so I ended up doing songs inspired by different nominated movies. This year, they actually found five songs to nominate and I’m grateful there are enough. Because I have no freaking clue how I’d come up with a song inspired by Zero Dark Thirty.
But there’s a problem with the five nominated songs – they suck. Or at least I assume they’d suck because I haven’t actually listened to some of them. But the frontrunner is Adele, and nothing good can come of that. So I’ve decided to pick out some better songs than the ones that got nominated.
1. “Before My Time” from Chasing Ice
OK, what the…. a song from a documentary? It turns out that this is sung by the lovely Scarlett Johansson. I’m a huge fan of hers, but this song is all kinds of awful. It’s hard enough for a documentary to get an audience, especially yet another one about climate change. Maybe they expected this song to drum up interest? That’s a tall order for any song, but I think that this one can do it:
Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” -
2. “Pi’s Lullaby” from Life of Pi
Oof. I was ok with “Jai Ho” from Slumdog Millionaire. But I think we need to institute a 7-year waiting period on songs from India winning the Oscar. “Lullaby” from Nickelback came to mind, but the point of this post is to pick BETTER songs than the nominated ones. So here’s one that I still kinda like:
Shawn Mullins’ “Lullaby” -
3. “Suddenly” from Les Miserable
Ok, I loved the movie and this song was pretty damn good. And the movie itself is a musical. How am I going to find something better? I’ll cut my losses and post something worse. You can’t win ‘em all.
Billy Ocean’s “Suddenly” -
4. “Everybody Needs a Best Friend” from Ted
I didn’t see this movie. Half the people I’ve talked to who have seen it absolutely loved it and the other half absolutely loathed it. But what’s NOT up for debate is that a big band jazz song sung by Norah Jones is nothing compared to this classic:
War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends” -
5. “Skyfall” from Skyfall
As I mentioned before, I think I’m the only person on the face of the earth that can’t stand Adele. I suppose it isn’t the worst Bond song ever. I’d have to give that to A-ha’s “The Living Daylights.” But this was easily the best Bond movie ever and it deserves the best Bond song ever. The song I chose was nominated in 1977, but inexplicably got beat out by Debby Boone’s “You Light Up My Life.” I’m fixing that travesty right now.
Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does it Better” -
Adele sex tape
Are you going to watch the Oscars?
Mark your calendars – Wicked awesome guest post next Friday!ards
Mila Kunis sex