The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

I Have a Major Confession to Make

I’ve been living a lie.  In my defense, it’s not something that I realized myself until very recently.  But I know, deep in my heart, that I need to confess to you that I’m not all that I’ve said I am.

My name is John, and…. I’m a Hipster.

Since the early days of this blog, the one group that I’ve most made fun of and talked about dismissively have been Hipsters.  No, make that second most – hippies are #1.  I’ve made fun of Hipster bars, their music, their clothes.  Yet, I didn’t realize that I was truly one of them.  I guess the fact that I even have a blog at all – let alone one full of sarcasm and snarkiness – makes it pretty likely that I’m a Hipster.

The signs were there,  but I was sooooo oblivious to them.

A few Saturdays ago, we were having brunch with my lovely niece and I had mentioned a link that La Vida Laura posted.  It’s a very funny Tumblr site – Pictures of Hipsters Taking Pictures of Food.   I pulled it up on my iPhone and we proceeded to flip through all the pictures, giggling at each one.

Then my niece hits me with this:

Why are you laughing?  You are totally a hipster.

music

Huh?!?  No flippin’ way!  First off, I’m way too old to be one.  I’m pretty sure your hipster card gets pulled at 25 and I’m slightly past that.  And by “slightly” I mean “when that ship sailed, it actually had sails.”  Second, I’m at a stage in my life where I have a somewhat successful career and a very comfortable lifestyle.  Hipsters are supposed to be barely making it in Brooklyn like all the people on HBO’s Girls.

Then she took this picture:

hipster breakfast

Don’t bother. It’s already been submitted to http://pohtpof.tumblr.com

hipster food

Let’s count the Hipster offenses:

- We were at The Espresso Bar, probably the most hipster of the hipster coffee houses here in A2.

- I was taking a picture of my waffles with fried chicken.  (They were awesome, btw.)

- Dark grey hoodie made by Alternative.  (ouch)

- Purchased at Ragstock (double ouch)

- Hair messed up from hipster Carhartt cap. Here’s a pic of the hat.

hipster hat

hipster fashion

- Skinny jeans (not shown)

- Hipster glasses

- Hipster phone case

technology

Wow. I was reduced to a mumbling mess.  It was like someone walloped me over the head with a giant wooden mallet.  I made it a point to fight it.  HARD.  But failed at every turn.  First, one of the fins from my cute little cartoony half penguin, half dog phone cover broke -

hipster phone 1

phone

So I decided I was going to get something more “normal” -

Hipster Phone 2

epic fail

Not only did I replace it with something just as Hipster-ish, I bought one of those damn retro-phone headsets for it.

Then I decided to give my little collection of Labbit vinyl toys to my kids…

hipster labbitvinyl toys

…and went and got a Tupac vinyl toy.

hipster tupacTupac

I did it just to prove that I could be a bad-ass, but forgot that VINYL TOYS IN GENERAL ARE FOR HIPSTERS.  And I bought it at Urban Outfitters – the anti-Gap.  Oofah.

So after weeks of soul-searching and honest self-evaluation, I’ve finally come to terms with my Hipsterism.  I’m NOT going to be afraid to unnecessarily carry small items in a messenger bag.  I’m going to BUY that Tegan & Sara album.  I’m going to get a haircut like that dude from Fun.

Facebook.com

Facebook.com

hipster music

From now on, I’m going to wear my Hipster badge with pride – permanently affixed to my lightweight long-sleeved shirt I just got at American Apparel.  I’m a Hipster, damnit!

Whew, that felt good.

Are you an in-the-closet hipster, too?  Or are you out and proud!?!

pride

equality

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About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

28 comments on “I Have a Major Confession to Make

  1. Gastro Boy (@A2GastroBoy)
    March 27, 2013

    I was at Toast in B’ham recently; a 4-top of young hipsterish girls got their food; without discussion all 4 got out their phones and snapped their entries; it was like an episode of Portlandia. Embrace your inner Hipster (and prepare for endless ridicule). HA

    Have you been reading the recent dust-up over restaurants wanting to ban photos of their food? This isn’t the best piece I’ve found, but it’ll give you a taste.

    http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/01/28/some-restaurants-ban-food-photography-by-customers/

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      March 27, 2013

      I heard about that. No way will they be able to stop it. I don’t use flash anymore simply because the pictures don’t look as good. I’m all for people taking pictures of food because it’s pressuring restaurants to actually give a shit about presentation.

      The smart restaurant owners will find a way to make it easier for photographers.

      OK, there may be one argument for me not being a hipster – I haven’t seen Portlandia yet…

  2. Laura
    March 27, 2013

    I’m proud to have played a role in your hipster self-realization :)

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      March 27, 2013

      I think it more like white explorers vising some remote island and ruining the way they’ve been living their lives for centuries…. you owe me a Pabst Blue Ribbon for that.

  3. Yinzerella
    March 27, 2013

    Given my penchant for chuck taylors, thrift stores, fingerless gloves, and Natty Boh (Baltimore’s PBR), I maaaay be. But I’m also carrying a Dooney & Bourke bag. Does that negate everything else?
    Oh, I don’t take pictures of food in restaurants because I still have a cell phone with the keyboard that slides out. I am old school like that.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      March 27, 2013

      Haha – you’re totally hipster! I’m actually surprised your phone doesn’t have a rotary dial on it with how retro you are.

  4. musingsoftheamusingmuse
    March 27, 2013

    I’m not sure if I’m a hipster – though I’m confident that I’m very much “Me”. Me likes to be comfortable – this means Me is usually wearing a hoodie, and sometimes a stocking cap. Me, Myself and I all love footwear, and while Mr. Muse thinks that the three of us have WAY too many shoes/boots already – we keep finding footwear that we like, like Converse 1 Stars in different colors.

    Okay – I was getting confused with all of that. To quote Eric Cartman from South Park, “Whatevah! I do what I want!” If that means I’m whipping out my camera photo to take pictures of my food (I sometimes do that), so be it and everyone else can… okay, quote Cartman again, “Suck my balls!”

  5. thefoodandwinehedonist
    March 27, 2013

    Hmmmm, I don’t know if Hipsters watch South Park…

  6. JM Randolph
    March 27, 2013

    Everybody around us always knows these things long before we can accept them about ourselves.

  7. Socialkenny
    March 27, 2013

    I was expecting something more crazy that hipster. Well, fair enough. I’m still in the closet though lol!

  8. Mary Ellen
    March 27, 2013

    This post is amazing.

  9. the winegetter
    March 27, 2013

    Thanks for coming out of the closet. I still had not really realized you were one. But the argument you make is compelling…:)

  10. becca3416
    March 27, 2013

    I am wearing thick framed glasses that have absolutely no prescription strength. No prescription anything. They are plastic. I am totally a hipster. I think we all are in some small way.

    I do have to warn you though, that you are an extreme case. Everyone knows that the hipster level of being a hipster hating hipster is over 9000. Good thing you came out and decided to embrace it :).

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      March 28, 2013

      Extreme case? Sh!tshow (my niece) listed a whole bunch of other things that pointed to my hipsterdom. Good thing I didn’t include those here…

  11. winopants
    March 27, 2013

    It’s totally ok, I had a similar realization like this recently. I think if you are a hipster aware of being a hipster, it takes the bad right out of it. Then you are just having fun with trends right?

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      March 28, 2013

      Good question. The trend part is right on… but I wonder about how hipsters can’t live an irony-free day. If you’re consciously being ironic about absolutely everything, then that’s just annoying. Oh what the hell – I’ll just roll with it!

  12. Chef Alzaid
    March 28, 2013

    HAHAHAHAHAH! Hilarious Post. I spend most of my free time trying to spot hipsters. I’m writing a post on this weird specie very soon as well.

    Cheers

  13. Chef Alzaid
    March 28, 2013

    Thanks ! Keep reading buddy.

  14. Pingback: Help! I might be a middle-aged hipster! | After the kids leave

  15. Amylieinlyon
    April 4, 2013

    I think that being French excludes me from the hipster membership program… darn ! :)

  16. Pingback: Do You Use The G-Word? | The Food and Wine Hedonist

  17. Nazihah Ismail
    April 24, 2013

    This post is too funny. But am glad for your realization. Need to check if I am a hipster. Maybe yes, maybe no. :D

  18. Go Jules Go
    May 29, 2013

    HA! I swear I was going to link to a picture of my cassette iPhone phone cover as soon as I saw yours, and then I kept reading and you beat me to it! AND you mentioned Urban Outfitters. There’s no hope for either of us.

    At least we’ll eat well. *ironic first bump*

    • Go Jules Go
      May 29, 2013

      P.S. – My reader blows. I’m resubscribing via email.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      May 29, 2013

      That was actually my 2nd cassette cover. The first was before the cartoon penguin-dog 2 yrs ago. How’s that for being cool b4 everyone else? And in that sad sad day when he broke, I went back to the cassette to be ironic. #hipstercred.

      And my reader sucks too…

  19. Pingback: My Favorites from 2013 | The Food and Wine Hedonist

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This entry was posted on March 27, 2013 by in Ann Arbor, Music, Stuff and tagged , , , , .
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