leave your inhibitions at the door
When Boom Boom and I started dating years ago, I explained to her that I wasn’t one of those guys who watches ESPN eight hours a day, like a bunch of her friends’ significant others. I said I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about baseball, hockey, or college sports. So she’d never have to worry about not being able to watch Sex and the City because I was watching Gonzaga play Idaho State in basketball. The only thing I asked for was three hours on Sundays in Fall for Pro Football. And by “Pro” I mean the Chicago Bears. Seriously, that’s the only sports I watch.
So it agonizes me to admit that I’ve failed as a parent to instill in the Pieholes a deep appreciation for the Monsters of the Midway. Here’s how bad it is – last year the girls said they liked the Shitsburgh Steelers. Thankfully, that was just a fad. So in an effort to get them interested, I’ve decided to have weekly contests with them to see who can correctly pick more winners. I’ll make my picks and the three of them will huddle together to make theirs. If When I win, they have to do some extra chores. If they choose more correctly, they each get $2. The hope is that they’ll develop an interest as they try to figure out why choosing Buffalo to win any game is never a solid pick.
What the hell does this have to do with a food and wine blog?
I’m glad you asked. In addition to picks from me and a committee of football imbeciles, each week there’s going to be a set of picks from a guest fruit or vegetable. Obviously, since fruits and veggies don’t talk at all (insert Terry Schiavo joke here), we have to give them a hand. So for each game, we’re going to spin the produce – if it’s pointing to the left, it picks the home team; if it points to the right, the away team.
I would think that I’d be better at picking games than a bunch of kids who’ve never seen a game before last year’s Super Bowl, let alone a damn eggplant. But the Pies did pretty well in preseason and, as you’ll see this week, food can get lucky, too. If I do end up picking more games correctly than the produce, I’ll cook it and give you a great recipe. If the produce does better, it will get a stay of execution and live to pick another week’s games.
This week’s produce is an ear of corn, courtesy of Hollis and Daniel, the two guys selling produce at the gas station on Stadium and Packard. Don’t laugh, they have the best sweet corn and watermelons in town.
Here are the picks –
Saints at Fudge Packers – all three choose the Fudgies
Shitsburgh at Ravens – I pick Ravens, Pieholes and Corny pick Steelers
Lions at Tampon Bay – Corny and I pick Lions, Pies pick Bucs
Eagles at Rams – Corny and I pick Eagles, Pies pick Rams (snicker)
Bills at Chiefs – Pieholes and I pick Chiefs, Corny picks Bills
Titans at Jaguars – Pieholes and I pick Titans, Corny picks Jaguars
Colts at Texans – Corny and I pick Texans, Pies pick Colts
Bengals at Browns – Seriously, everyone’s a loser with this one – Corny and I pick Bengals, Pies pick Browns
Falcons at Bears – all three choose Bears
Giants at Redskins – I pick Giants, others pick the Rex Grossman-led Redskins
Seahawks at 49ers – Corny and I pick Niners, Pieholes pick Seahawks
Viqueens at Chargers – all three choose Chargers
Panthers at Cardinals – Pieholes and I pick Cardinals, Corny picks Panthers
Cowboys at Jets – all three choose Jets
Patriots at Dolphins – I choose Patriots, others pick Dolphins
Raiders at Broncos – all three choose Broncos
Wow…. Corny may live to see week 2.