leave your inhibitions at the door
Last month was a huge burrito binge. And coupled with my lack of exercise due to my knee injury and trip to New York, I was feeling pretty “big-boned”. When I went back for a follow-up on my knee, the good news was that I didn’t need surgery. The bad news was I gained eight pounds and, for the first time ever, my blood pressure poked its head into the high range. I think part of that had to do with the terrible trek home from NY. But I know that part a big part had to do with lack of exercise and a lot of salt consumption while eating out that much. While I love writing this blog and bringing you, gentle reader, stories of food and wine from near and far, I had to take it easy this month.
And by “take it easy” this month, I only had five burritos. Of those, two were new to the Burrito Guide. Unfortunately, one of those was – hands down – the worst burrito ever. I had a burrito from this place before and I was dreading having to take one for the team and go there again. I went under the influence, thinking it would better. It wasn’t. The other was a lunchtime favorite at my last job because of its proximity to the office. I was curious to see how it would hold up under closer scrutiny.
This is usually the place where I say to mention this blog when you go there – you won’t get anything, but if enough of you go I might. I can’t in good conscience tell you to go this first place. Other than to try the pizza.
The full list of burritos, with their scores and rankings is available here.
The Burrito Joint
Restaurant Description: Independent, open late. It used to be a take-out and delivery pizza place and they expanded their offerings to burritos a couple of years ago. I think the only reason they are still in business is that there are a lot of poor students in the area and there are no other late night places in a ¼ mile radius. I’ve never had their pizza, but hopefully that’s better than this abomination they call a burrito. I had a feeling that this place was trouble when the tagline on their sign said “it’s how you roll it”, an obvious salute to weed. It feels like they came up with the tagline first and the food was an afterthought.
Price: $5.99, $1.29 extra for avocado, pre-tax
Atmosphere =1. Would’ve been zero had it not been open at 2am.
Taste = 0. Big, tough hunks of meat with no seasoning at all. The only choice of beans were black beans that came straight out of a can. There was not extra cooking or spices added. It didn’t even taste like a burrito.
Heft = 3. About average, nothing unusual.
Messiness = 1. I don’t like messiness due to a poor roll. But I will like it when it’s dripping with grease natural juices. This was neither tight or juicy.
Intangibles = 0. It would’ve gotten 1 point here because the girl who took the order and made the burrito was super cute. But I had to give it a generous minus-1 because the only available hot sauce was Frank’s Red Hot sauce. Couldn’t these stoners stole some packets from Taco Bell? At least has a semblance of being Mexican.
Overall Score = 5
Moe’s Southwestern Grill
Restaurant Description: National chain featuring several menu choices. There’s a wide selection of meats (steak, pork, fish, chicken, tofu…WTF!?! Tofu?) . They also have a wide selection of toppings – cilantro, olives, jalapenos, etc. Although, cucumber spears are a stretch.
Price: $7.98 for the Homewrecker (i.e. with everything), pre- tax
Atmosphere =2. Squeaky clean, but less Mexican than Qdoba.
Taste = 2. Steak was rubbery and a little bland.
Heft = 4. Dense, solid burrito.
Messiness = 2. Steamed shell made it rubbery so it could be rolled tightly.
Intangibles = 3. They get points for the funny names of menu items – Homewrecker, Triple Lindy (from Back to School), Joey Bag of Donuts, Art Vandalay (Fletch). Also points for the selection of self-serve salsas.
Overall Score = 13