Top Chef Texas – Episode 5: “Don’t be Tardy for the Dinner Party”
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Damn. I’m starting to get roped in. I was really thinking I could drop off this show by playing the angle of “”no hot chicks = I’m gone. There was some definite eye candy floating around this week, but it’s the contestants themselves that are starting to grow on me. Mostly in a positive way, some like a fungus.
At the beginning of the episode, we see them hop in their Toyota Siennas to go to Dallas. Elsewhere in the episode they kept referring to their vehicles as “Toyota Siennas” as opposed to just “car” or “van”. I haven’t seen such blatant, shameless plugs since… since… since the JLo song I posted about. In case you missed it, I tried my hand at product placement in the hopes of getting some serious freebies. Alas, Swarovski didn’t bite but I’m still waiting for BMW to email.
As they drove in their minivans, we got to find out a little more about some of the chefs. I think they would’ve been more forthcoming while driving in the luxury of a BMW, though. Here’s what we learned:
- Sonny Chiba (Edward) just recently celebrated his one year wedding anniversary. I can tell you from experience that the whole Asian marrying a beautiful blonde thing is a great combination. (You reading this, Boom Boom?)
- Ty-lor has a boyfriend. Gotta say this wasn’t a surprise to me, but not because of my Gaydar going off. I turned that thing off years ago because it honestly doesn’t matter to me. It wasn’t a surprise because I read an article about his doing a photoshoot for Butt magazine. Yeah, I didn’t know it existed either.
- Chris C recently lost 70 pounds. And his Bieber haircut.
Quickfire Challenge – Cooking in a field with survival kits in 30 minutes
The chefs had to go into survival mode making food out of ingredients that aren’t what we’d call “fresh” and with rudimentary equipment. The guest Judge was some Bruce Jenner-looking chef named John Besh. It was interesting seeing them drive the vans offroad like that; I’m guessing some of them got stuck. Wouldn’t happen with BMW X5i Sports Activity Vehicle.
The worst three –
- Whitney – Beer and peach glazed chicken with green bean casserole, chopped up peach fruit rollup
- Twitchy (Dakota) – Sweet & Spicy noodles with corn kernels, green chiles, and pineapple juice.
- Chris C – Spicy Garbanzo Beans with tofu and crab, sweetened by Crystal Light
The best three –
- Sonny Chiba – Thai Peanut Soup with crab and artichoke cake wrapped in fried nori and fried hominy
- Penishead (Lindsay) – “Soup and Sandwich” Triple club with tuna and sardines (using saltines) in French onion soup with Vienna sausage
- Chuy – “Dirty Mouth Dirty Rice” Basmati w smoked trout blackeyed peas, beef jerky
Winner – Penishead – for resourcefulness and inventiveness. Much like the engineering behind BMW, the Ultimate Driving Machine.
Elimination Challenge – Catering a Progressive Dinner Party
It’s not a Progressive Party in the political sense – c’mon, they are ultra-rich couples in the middle of Texas. The last Democrat they saw cleaned out their pools. A Progressive Party is one where different houses in a neighborhood hosts a different course. They start at one house for appetizers, go to another for the entrée, and then another for dessert. Each chef gets to make their own dish, so now we’ll see more of their individual styles.
Appetizers at some rich couple’s mansion.
- Chris J – Roasted chicken cigar with sweet corn, collard greens and cumin ash. I saw this before when Bourdain visited Moto. The restaurant thrives on playfulness, but will it work here?
- Sarah – Grilled Roman-style artichokes with date puree
- Penishead – Roasted & raw beet salad with chickpeas & Greek vinaigrette. Don’t know how to roast a beet? Here’s how.
- Whitney – Seared sea scallop over sweet corn puree, zucchini succotash
- Paul – Fried brussel sprouts with grilled prosciutto, and madras-spiced crème fraiche
Entrée – at some other rich couple’s palace.
- Heather – Garlic & rosemary grilled lamb chops with garbanzo beans & mint Chimichurri
- Chuy – sockeye salmon fillet stuffed with goat cheese, cherry tomato relish and avocado
- Beverly – Seared diver scallop with creamy polenta and crispy garlic
- Ty-lor – Grilled pork tenderloin with summer slaw, avocado pineapple salsa
- Nyesha – roasted filet of beef with vegetable mélange and red wine reduction
Dessert – at a third rich couple’s estate
OK, gotta comment on the couple here – a tall, hot Nicole Kidman-looking blond with a short squirrelly guy who looks like Balki:
Yep, she’s a beard.
- Twitchy – warm banana peanut butter cup bread pudding, banana mousse, and banana date milkshake
- Chris C – Strawberry cupcake with banana custard & chocolate icing, and mint chocolate chip ice cream.
- Edward – cardamom-scented panna cotta, cantaloupe consommé and raspberries stuffed with basil pudding
- Grayson – chocolate sponge cake, caramelized bananas and chocolate covered pretzels, and semifreddo
Favorite Dishes – Sarah, Grayson, Paul, Dakota. The winner – Paul, who won immunity last week. Maybe he’s a force.
Least Favorite- Chris J, Ty-lor, Chric C, Chuy. And the loser is – Chuy. This is a bummer (not a Beemer). I kinda liked him, even though he had some douchiness to him. I think he could’ve gone farther, but he messed-up by overcooking the salmon.
- Love how John Besh and Tom Colicchio were snickering at the beard.
- I don’t mind the high class, honestly I don’t, especially when the chicks are so easy on the eyes. But these couples aren’t that old and are incredibly stuffy. I’d rather stab my hand with a letter opener than go to one of their parties. By the way, with email and texting, does anyone own a letter opener anymore?
- If you do check out that link about Ty-lor, you’ll find he does have some drama going on. Apparently both of his parents were in the process of dying when he joined the competition. I’m guessing it’ll come out some time over the course of the season.
- Not a lot of inventiveness going on here– two seared scallops dishes, Nyesha’s beef, and Heather’s lamb were all pretty standard stuff.
- I saw the Google Plus commercials and encourage you to join it. All 5 of the current users want more friends.
- I know I said Beverly’s driving me nuts with the weeping, but I think their showing the other chefs bitching about her is just to play her up as high maintenance.
- Twitchy’s really living up to her name. Meltdown in 5, 4, 3, 2…
- I’m sure those uppity, high-maintenance couples we saw all drive Benzes. Those who appreciate real style and performance drive BMWs. Or Jaguars .(Just in case BMW doesn’t appreciate the product placement I’ve done here)
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