leave your inhibitions at the door
Yo! Yo! Yo! What up my lil’ players out there in the bloghood? It’s y’all’s gourmet Jedi and lover of life here – Sir Mix-a-Lotta-Ingredients. Bet y’all thought yours truly died or some shit like that! Or maybe y’all though I’ve been kickin’ back, watchin’ the shorties at the Food and Wine Hedonizzle’s lame-ass pool? Or maybe y’all one of them playa haters that thought I was incarcerated.
Nah, none of that. About a month or so ago, my homie Babu the Funkee Hindu came over to the crib to watch some tennis or something. I was in the kitchen throwin’ together my fly-assed Caprese salad when he arrived and sat down on the couch. I had just put the final touches on my latest culinary masterpiece and walked into the living room. Or should I say I tried to walk into the living room, but the door wouldn’t budge. Seems he decided to take off his Adidas to make himself all comfortable and shit and the stank cloud from his shoes filled the room and was pushing the door closed! When I got into the room I got overwhelmed and stone-cold passed out! Next thing I know, I’m lying on the floor with Caprese all over my new shirt and looking up at a bewildered Babu. Y’all might think I’m trippin, but I’m serious – my eyebrows melted off. He had to open up the windows so I could breathe. When I recovered, I said we’re going to CVS right now and get some Dr Schollz or something for his shoes. So we hop in “Old Skool”, my 1976 custom-painted candy red Cutlass Supreme with 19-inch Dayton rims, and headed down the street.
Well one thing led to another, and we decided then and there to take a road trip. We said hell with the Schollz and got him some new kicks. We did have to go to his place so he could grab some condoms and his asthma inhaler, but we hopped right on the highway soon after to destinations unknown. In hindsight, I wish we would’ve stopped back at my crib because leaving that mozzarella on your carpet for a month smells far worse than Babu’s nasty-assed feet.
So in that month, we hit up Boulder, Macon, Cozad, NE (home of Jay Novacek), Arizona, Portland, Aruba, New York City, Las Vegas, and Buffalo. We met some fiiiiinnnnneee shorties, ate some great food, and saw America in all of her wondrous glory. I really wish I could show you some of the pictures, but The Hedonizzle wants to keep this site all respectable and shit. Y’all will have to settle for some stories and recipes inspired by our travels. But that’s for a later post.
So you could imagine that with all that time together Babu and I would have deep conversations and shit. One time we were just outside Moline listening to the radio and Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” came on.
Babu: Man, that’s a classic video. The only thing sweeter than Tawny Kitaen was that Trans Am she was crawling over.
Sir Mix-a-Lotta-Ingredients: You’re wrong, dead wrong.
Babu: Whaaaa? You don’t think she was the hottest thing around?
SMALI – No, she’s not bad. She’s no Martha Stewart, but who is?
SMALI – She was fine alright, but what you got completely wrong was the car. Or should I say carZ. She wasn’t on a Trans Am, she was on two Jaguar XJs– one black, one white.
He didn’t believe me, so I bet him two Benjaminz on it. He whipped out his phone and did a search on Tawny Kitaen to find this:
The lesson learned here is when it comes to automobiles, music, and béchamel sauce, y’all don’t mess with Sir Mix-a-Lotta-Ingredients. Word, son. WORD!
Y’all remember this song? It’s almost as good as the video. Almost. Y’all should hear The Hedonizzle do this song at Karaoke. It’s inspiring.