leave your inhibitions at the door
It’s week 5 of Top Chef Seattle, and this is the first time in a while that I’m completely sober writing this. Let’s see if it makes me any more incoherent.
I’m really starting to dislike Josie. There’s just something about her that completely annoys me, but I can’t put my finger on it. She’s nowhere near as cocky as CJ or Stefan – even though she apparently has a “Chef Josie” headband for each day of the week. She’s not as gabby as Carla was and she’s not as whiny as Yukon Cornelius. But every time she talks, I want to start shoving chopsticks in my ears. One thing I know for sure, though, is that she’s a complete fashion trainwreck.
I couldn’t get a good pic from yesterday’s episode, but she had these same pants on. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she had the audacity to wear Crocs on national television.
The contestants had to wake up super early and go down to Pike Place market to meet up with Padma and guest judge Uncle Remus!
What? His name is Daisley Gordon? Not in this post.
They divided themselves into teams of two and the gods were shining down on Bravo as Yukon Cornelius paired up with Time Bomb. With the confrontation they had last week, this should make for some good TV. The teams had to make breakfast for the people who work at the market, but it had to be served on a stick. They had an hour to set-up a kitchen and start cooking with immunity going to the winning team.
– Time Bomb and Yukon – Chilaquiles: tortilla, salsa, quail egg, avocado-heirloom tomato relish
– Eliza & Josie – Ricotta, raspberry, & sausage pancake with jalapeno maple syrup. SLOPPY, just like Josie.
– Kristen & Neville Jr – Bacon & cinnamon waffle, pecan maple syrup, boysenberry & strawberry jam
– CJ & Tyler – salmon & cream cheese crepe and who knows WTF else because Bravo had to pitch its next show. Idiots.
– Overgrown Van Damme & Sheldon – Green Forest Breakfast Sandwich: eggs, cheese, pancetta, bacon & spinach
– Danyele & Lizzie: Summer berries with crispy pancetta.
– Brooke & Stefan: Croque Monsieur: pressed ham & cheese sandwich with toasted fig
Least Favorites – Danyele & Lizzie, because they didn’t much in a whole hour. Josie & Eliza, because their dish was too sweet and hard to eat
Favorites: Sheldon & Bart, time bomb and Yukon
Winner – Uncle Remus announces that Sheldon & Overgrown van Damme wins immunity.
Staying in their teams, they randomly chose a special artisanal ingredient from the market. They had to create a lunch dish and serve it to the person who made that special ingredient. The winning team gets to split $10K.
– Yukon & Time Bomb (truffled popcorn): Pan-seared pork tenderloin with truffle popcorn grits
– Neville Jr & Kristen (cheese curds): Cheese curds three ways: Bechamel, raw, & fried
– Stefan & Brooke (rose petal jelly): Rose petal glazed Muscovy duck with braised cabbage
– Sheldon & Overgrown van Damme: Candied salmon with sweet & sour salad
– Josie & Eliza (cardamom bitters): Curry cardamom broth with manila clams & seared white king salmon
– Lizzie & Danyele (coconut curry chocolate): Coconut curry chocolate mousse tart
– CJ & Tyler (hot spicy dill pickles): Pork crumpet burger with spicy dill pickles
The general consensus was that all the dishes were bad. Really bad. So bad that Padma had to apologize to the guests at the table. The dishes were described as unimaginative, lacking technique, and downright tasting awful. Since the judges couldn’t pick a winner they took away the $10K prize!!! AND, they were sending home an entire team.
Worst three – Time Bomb & Yukon, Stefan & Brooke, CJ & Tyler
Gone – CJ and Tyler. If I was Tyler, I’d be pissed. He wanted to push the envelope, but CJ talked him out of it.
– Even though the food was horrendous, I thought the episode was entertaining. Have they ever not awarded a winner before?
– What? Josie’s Filipino? That makes that fashion train wreck just plain inexcusable.
– Earlier in the season, it looked for sure like Time Bomb and Stefan would be the most hated. But honestly, they’re probably the most enjoyable to watch. I think that they both have enough skills to go very far, so this could be fun. Now, if only John would stop wearing his glasses on his forehead.
– Bart falls and hopes he doesn’t break the griddle he just bought. Then he proceeds to smack it like it’s Halle Berry’s baby daddy.
– Cool special look at Les Miserables. I sooooooo want to see that shit. If the rest of Hathaway’s performance is half as good as what they showed, just hand over the Oscar now.
– Yukon got his panties in a wad over Tyler talking to himself. He’s a little bit of a bitch isn’t he? In fact, I’m hereby changing his nickname to Yukon Pantywad.
– Yukon, part 2 – When asked about why they went with pork medallions, he said “I don’t want to throw anyone under a bus.” Than proceeds to throw Time Bomb under a bus.
– Hugh was en fuego with the one-liners:
– Sore loser CJ proceeded to rip on the dessert – “abhorrent, debacle, diabolical” – and asked what the judges thought. Hugh: “your burger was even worse”
– Yukon said he was apprehensive cooking grits for Hugh. Hugh: “I was apprehensive eating it.”
– Regarding too much rose petal jelly: “It’s like eating somebody’s grandmother.”
Last Chance Kitchen
Once again, I’m going to do LCK Haiku. And once again, my apologies for the crappy poetry. Go see it on my Facebook page.