leave your inhibitions at the door
I’m pissed, and not in the British drunken way. So I figured it’s a good time to direct some anger elsewhere and bring you the next installment of Why I Hate Trader Joe’s. The first one had to do with Two Buck Chuck and it may have been a little unfair for me to hate TJ’s because of one product. So I’m going to be a lot unfair by picking on them for something COMPLETELY out of their control. That’s how pissed I am. Here’s why…
The schools in Ann Arbor were closed today due to icy road conditions in outlying areas. I work from home and having The Pieholes around all day while I’m working is not easy. You try conducting a conference call with Spongebob blaring in the next room. And they’re always complaining about the littlest, insignificant things. Like being hungry.
And where’s Boom Boom during all this? She went to a beach in Mexico for a week on a Zumba/yoga retreat organized by The ChaCha Mama. And that “snow day?” It was because of icy roads on the outskirts of town. Ummmmm, I just checked the weather report and the high today was 44 degrees. And that was at 5am this morning, an hour before they announced classes were canceled.
But I shouldn’t really be surprised at the excessive caution as Ann Arbor has some of the worst drivers around. First of all, there are A LOT of fresh-off-the-boat Asians here and they simply cannot drive. (Again, I must remind you that I can say that because I’m Asian. If you say it it’s racialist, honky.)
But the other population of really bad drivers are the hippies in their Priuses. Not only are those slow cars to begin with, the hippies hate pressing the gas pedals because doing so kills a tree or something. And since Trader Joe’s attracts all kinds of hippies, the parking lot is a complete clusterfuck.
At our local TJ’s, it starts with the design. In theory, it’s an oval parking lot and cars travel in a counter-clockwise direction to get to the various stores. But instead of the entrance feeding directly into the oval, you have to make a quick right turn first. The problem is that it’s not really marked well and that always leads to a bunch of Priuses going the wrong way. So instead of an orderly lot with a steady flow of cars, you get something that closely resembles M.C. Escher’s Relativity.
Prius drivers, I have a question. Is there something in the owner’s manual or labeled on the door that says:
When exiting your vehicle, please be sure to open it as quickly and as widely as possible to cause dents on the car next to yours. Especially if it’s John’s.
Or is it that Trader Joe’s is so anti-establishment that basic rules don’t apply to their shoppers? You know, like the one that says that you SHOULDN’T push your cart between two parked cars because you might put a nasty scratch on one of them? Like this bad boy I got there.
Oh wait, that’s my car. food
Get ready, there’s an absolutely AWESOME guest post coming up on Friday, February 22nd. My favorite blogger came up with a doozy for me. Stay tuned! hu