leave your inhibitions at the door
It’s time for another Guest Post! A couple of months ago, I put out an open invitation for guest music posts. The first was from Heather at Seasoned with Sarcasm, talking about her girl-crush on Zooey Deschanel. There was some healthy debate in the comments section where we pretty much came to ZERO conclusions. But, we did get to mention Julianne Moore, Sofia Vergara, and Penelope Cruz. That’s not a bad Friday night…
This time around, we welcome one of my favorite bloggers out there – Forty Ounce from Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas. She’s got this ridiculous mix of humor, intelligence, candor, and general bad-assery. Might I suggest her post “Don’t poop on me: A universal rule in sex and other life scenarios” or “How can I get my hands on a filthy dwarf?“
If you’re interested in getting in on this Guest Post action, hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Now, brace yourselves…
On behalf of semi-hot MILFs (mothers I’d like to fuck) and FILFs (you figure it out) everywhere, and in defense of the good and pure name of Music… you know what people need to stop doing? White parent raps.
Yes, we all understand parenting really just amounts to little people making us look like fucking assholes as we attempt to keep them alive and get them cheerios and shit.
That cupcake? I want to see that thing pressed between some breasts, chocolate frosting everywhere, the cute little piggy decoration smeared across some sexy parent flesh.
If the dumb bitch in this video is letting her kid eat on the floor with her laptop, she deserves what she gets. YES your counters are sticky. You’re feeding CHILDREN. They eat JELLY. Uggs are so 3 YEARS ago. Visit TARGET—they have cheap imitations of all the latest trends. Tell your kid to stop humping the car door. Slut. The fact that you’re British adds insult to injury when you awkwardly move your arms up and down “like a rapper.” Sounding all proper and shit. It’s not your kid’s fault that you’re faking orgasms. Get a fuckin’ ho if you need to but dayammmmn.
The only reason I don’t hate this one is because she cusses, she shows people pouring booze on a car, and she promotes abusing prescription drugs. THIS makes sense to me. The guy in daisy dukes breakdancing does NOT make sense to me.
If you’re a white parent, and you want to do something “cool” and possibly irreverent or rebellious or whatever the fuck you were hoping to achieve with the white parent rap, just do something like this from this Stephen Perry ad, and post THAT on the internet. >>>
I don’t hear anyone complaining about that shit. Look at her hand on that bear’s ass. Beautiful.
Or better yet, how about the moms in the parent rap videos go ahead and dress like this? Let’s see some leg, or some sexy stretch marks. This is the REAL DEAL, people! I’m tired of people making parenting look all cute and cozy and easy and sweet, with the only alternative view into reality consisting of yuppy white parents making douchebags of themselves with minivans and “dancing” like “rappers”.
Or lick a gun.
Then I’ll watch your video.
Forty Ounce is the prime contributor to Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas, a blog about bullshit that began as a place to vent when her kid wanted to go dying on her on the daily. Now it is written to be both funny and thought provoking, ranging in topics from from having sexual fantasies about dwarves and dragon ladies, to how to keep your daughter from working the stripper pole. Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas draws in people from around the globe who have the literal BALLS to enter the following terms into search engines: “Deanna Troi porn, sister boob milk, wife milking husband, fresh beat band twist naked, my penis is enormous, dick tutsi, I want my husband to have mistress, wife love to be milk, boobslapping, husband to assist to suckle, fresh beat band evil?, Amish pusssy vids, my sister slapped my cock, mistress shitting milk, honey badger sexual position, what website is sexy film there.”