The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

White Parent Raps Gotta Stop

It’s time for another Guest Post!  A couple of months ago, I put out an open invitation for guest music posts.  The first was from Heather at Seasoned with Sarcasm, talking about her girl-crush on Zooey Deschanel.  There was some healthy debate in the comments section where we pretty much came to ZERO conclusions.  But, we did get to mention Julianne Moore, Sofia Vergara, and Penelope Cruz.  That’s not a bad Friday night…  

This time around, we welcome one of my favorite bloggers out there – Forty Ounce from Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas.  She’s got this ridiculous mix of humor, intelligence, candor, and general bad-assery.  Might I suggest her post “Don’t poop on me: A universal rule in sex and other life scenarios” or “How can I get my hands on a filthy dwarf?

If you’re interested in getting in on this Guest Post action, hit me up at hedonist@foodandwinehedonist.com.  

Now, brace yourselves…

***

On behalf of semi-hot MILFs (mothers I’d like to fuck) and FILFs (you figure it out) everywhere, and in defense of the good and pure name of Music… you know what people need to stop doing? White parent raps.

Yes, we all understand parenting really just amounts to little people making us look like fucking assholes as we attempt to keep them alive and get them cheerios and shit.

family

rap

That cupcake? I want to see that thing pressed between some breasts, chocolate frosting everywhere, the cute little piggy decoration smeared across some sexy parent flesh.

family parenting

music

If the dumb bitch in this video is letting her kid eat on the floor with her laptop, she deserves what she gets. YES your counters are sticky. You’re feeding CHILDREN. They eat JELLY. Uggs are so 3 YEARS ago.  Visit TARGET—they have cheap imitations of all the latest trends. Tell your kid to stop humping the car door. Slut. The fact that you’re British adds insult to injury when you awkwardly move your arms up and down “like a rapper.”  Sounding all proper and shit.  It’s not your kid’s fault that you’re faking orgasms. Get a fuckin’ ho if you need to but dayammmmn.

sex

parenting

The only reason I don’t hate this one is because she cusses, she shows people pouring booze on a car, and she promotes abusing prescription drugs. THIS makes sense to me. The guy in daisy dukes breakdancing does NOT make sense to me.

If you’re a white parent, and you want to do something “cool” and possibly irreverent or rebellious or whatever the fuck you were hoping to achieve with the white parent rap, just do something like this from this Stephen Perry ad, and post THAT on the internet. >>>

milkhoney 1

fashion

I don’t hear anyone complaining about that shit. Look at her hand on that bear’s ass. Beautiful.

Or better yet, how about the moms in the parent rap videos go ahead and dress like this? Let’s see some leg, or some sexy stretch marks. This is the REAL DEAL, people! I’m tired of people making parenting look all cute and cozy and easy and sweet, with the only alternative view into reality consisting of yuppy white parents making douchebags of themselves with minivans and “dancing” like “rappers”.

Or lick a gun.

milk honey 2

sexy

Then I’ll watch your video.

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sf5 cigarette
Forty Ounce is the prime contributor to Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas, a blog about bullshit that began as a place to vent when her kid wanted to go dying on her on the daily.  Now it is written to be both funny and thought provoking, ranging in topics from from having sexual fantasies about dwarves and dragon ladies, to how to keep your daughter from working the stripper pole.  Milk & Honey ~ Geeks & Gangstas draws in people from around the globe who have the literal BALLS to enter the following terms into search engines: “Deanna Troi porn, sister boob milk, wife milking husband, fresh beat band twist naked, my penis is enormous, dick tutsi, I want my husband to have mistress, wife love to be milk, boobslapping, husband to assist to suckle, fresh beat band evil?, Amish pusssy vids, my sister slapped my cock, mistress shitting milk, honey badger sexual position, what website is sexy film there.”

hot

NRA

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About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

10 comments on “White Parent Raps Gotta Stop

  1. Socialkenny
    February 22, 2013

    Lol I got my humor fix for the day with this one.

  2. Puppet Ministry
    February 22, 2013

    “fresh beat band twist naked”? i hearrrrd that!

  3. Forty Ounce
    February 22, 2013

    That’s supposed to be “How can I get my filthy hands on a dwarf”. I don’t actually want a filthy dwarf. I appreciate good hygiene from the dwarf community. For the record.

  4. winopants
    February 22, 2013

    My brother’s words to his girlfriend about her kids (not his and constantly in trouble): “If any thing ever happens to you I’m selling them.”
    Now that’s gangsta’
    I wish dorky people would realize that doing raps like this stopped being cute about 15 years ago

  5. Milton Chambers III
    February 22, 2013

    I really identify with the woman in the second video. You all don’t know how hard it can be to be an English mother of three. I’ll bet her council doesn’t even pay for her whole house. I have 5 kids and haven’t worked since 2003, but those idiots still only cover 70% of my rent and we only get £1200/mo cash assistance. How can we live on that?????? She’s just trying to keep it real.

  6. blouseballs
    February 22, 2013

    Good shit right there.

  7. Pingback: Cracka rap needs more ass. | milk & honey ~ geeks & gangstas

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This entry was posted on February 22, 2013 by in Music and tagged , , , , , .
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