The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

Why it’s Good to be a Musician

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m pretty musically-inclined.  In addition to being able to carry some wicked karaoke, I can play a few instruments.  When I was a kid, my parents made me take piano lessons and then I played saxophone in the school band.  But it wasn’t until after college that I took up guitar.  And why did I take up guitar?  Heck, why does any guy take up guitar?

Two words – WOMEN!

Ask most guitarists why they started playing.  I’m sure you’ll get some line about artistry and self-expression.  Don’t believe it.   Playing guitar has got to be the biggest chick magnet ever.  It’s even better than being a professional athlete as guitarists don’t have to be in shape.  And it’s infinitely more sexy than blogging about food and wine.

I used be a bouncer at a bar in Chicago that had live music every night.  From my position at the door, I would see all kinds of women, often standing shoulder-to-shoulder, gazing up at the guy playing that night.  By the end of the night, if so inclined, he could’ve picked up on any of them.

Sure, willingness to play guitar and sing on stage like that probably means that they’re not shy.  So they probably have no problem holding a conversation with people.  And I’ll admit that some of these guys were pretty handsome.  But – trust me – there were some guys who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Unfortunately (or is that fortunately?) I don’t have any pictures of those guys to prove how ugly they were.  So I figured I’d give you some very famous examples.

music

Exhibit A – Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley

pxdrive.com

pxdrive.com

humor

She was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.  He was a little hairy troll that had some major hits in the 70s and 80s.  He was well past his prime and definitely out of his league.

models

Exhibit B – Tico Torres and Eva Herzigova

elle.com

elle.com

drummer

The Bon Jovi drummer isn’t really that ugly, but – c’mon – look at that height difference!

Still don’t believe me?  Maybe it’s because those first two weren’t guitarists.  As I said earlier, guitar playing is the biggest aphrodisiac.  Here’s the proof.

Hot women

Exhibit C – Ric Ocasek and Paulina Porizkova

puahate.com

puahate.com

 ugly musicians with beautiful women 

Ocasek was the leader of the 80s New Wave band The Cars.  But a little-known fact is that he was also the inspiration for Ichabod Crane.

ugly musicians

Exhibit D – Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed

examiner.com

examiner.com

Music

I know what some of you are thinking – “Wait, all those women are models.  How about someone with some brains?”  First off, why you hating on gorgeous models?  Second, I present to you…

Hot models

Exhibit E – Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts

bluelightlady.com

bluelightlady.com

celebrities

Oofah…

Here’s one of my favorite Lyle Lovett songs to prove that it isn’t just because he takes bad pictures.

ugly celebrities

But it’s not just men that benefit from being a musician.  Janis Joplin was voted – no joke – “Ugliest Man on Campus” at the University of Texas.  Yet, when she died of a heroin overdose in 1970, she was suffering from a nasty case of syphilis.

So forget about joining a gym to get those washboard abs.  Don’t bother with spending money on fancy clothes and cars.  Just grab a cheap-o guitar and you’re all set!

Any of you guys out there benefit from this?  How about you ladies – any of you willing to admit to falling for a guy in a band?

music

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About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

15 comments on “Why it’s Good to be a Musician

  1. The Byronic Man
    July 12, 2013

    First off, my love for Christie Brinkley will be eternal and unflagging.

    Second: Also Geddy Lee. I don’t even know who he’s married to, but it doesn’t matter, because I’ve heard girls swoon over him and he’s like Ric Ocasek’s nerdy brother.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 12, 2013

      I feel the same about Paulina… As for Geddy, he may just be the ugliest guy in music. Even uglier than Meatloaf. Plus he violates one of my sacred rules of Rock – Unless your name is Paul McCartney or Brian Wilson, bassists should never sing.

  2. As a PUA (pickup artist: this is right up my alley. I really don’t know shit about guitars, but the fact that one can play an instrument is always key to attracting and entrancing women.

  3. Cara Thereon
    July 12, 2013

    LOL. I don’t know why this happens. There’s a band I love and the lead is balding and hairy, but the more I listen to their music and watch their videos the sexier he starts to look. Why is that?? Is musical talent like beer goggles?

  4. her30s
    July 12, 2013

    LOL! I was just talking about this with my husband who happens to be a professional guitarist. It’s amazing how alluring a man and his guitar can be. If I blog about this from my own experience, I’ll reference and link your post.

  5. JoanneBest
    July 12, 2013

    I don’t think I was ever involved with anyone who WASN’T in a band. My first, uh, boyfriend was a lead singer in a real signed touring band and I wound up marrying a guitar player….who is now the guitar player for my band (I’m the lead singer); and guys can be as groupie-like as girls because I’m always getting hit on at gigs. It’s fun actually 😉

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 13, 2013

      Nice! I used to stand in for the guitarist when he’d get too loaded…. as if I wasn’t loaded either! What’s the band’s name? Where?

  6. thefoodandwinehedonist
    July 13, 2013

    Nice! I used to stand in for the guitarist when he’d get too loaded…. as if I wasn’t loaded either! What’s the band’s name? Where?

  7. Laura Beth
    July 14, 2013

    This post is a hoot! And all too true. Recently, I read an article in Psychology Today that noted a statistic abou online dating sites and the female preference for musicians, specifically that female users were much more likely to look at a gent’s profile if he was holding a guitar in one of his pictures.

    Statistics aside, I am guilty of the very offense mentioned in your well-crafted post. The fellows I pursued and pined for between 2002 through 2011 form a long string of musicians – drummers, guitarists, singers, even a xylophonist! The top contender for my affections was, undoubtedly, the bass players. Oi. Enough to make my knees quake.

    As for “But a little-known fact is that he was also the inspiration for Ichabod Crane.” Brilliance!!

  8. Max D.
    July 22, 2013

    Too late for me. By the time I bought my first guitar, I was almost 40. A guy in his late-thirties and a guitar but without a record contract is not sexy; he’s creepy. And I can’t sing either. When I go to sporting events, people tell me to shut up when I try to sing along to the national anthem. They think I’m being deliberately disrespectful. My kids tell me not to sing them “Happy Birthday.” So I could never woo women with my Strat or Rickenbacker, or by singing Cole Porter tunes. I had to woo them the old fashioned way: with booze.

  9. Pingback: The Best of 2013 Music Posts | The Food and Wine Hedonist

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This entry was posted on July 12, 2013 by in Music and tagged , , , , , , .
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