The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

Scamming the Scammers

I don’t know what the heck happened to the national Do Not Call Registry.  This is that service that allows you to enter your phone number on a list that so that you don’t get unwanted telephone calls from telemarketers. I’ve been on there for years and occasionally sign-up again, but I still get the calls. 

A lot of them are people running scams, trying to get you to divulge personal information like bank accounts and credit cards.  But most are not.  I know there are some loopholes in it that allow for non-profit organizations to call and I’m generally polite to real charities and causes.   Although the ones for police and fireman organizations are starting to test my patience.  I generally am thankful for the jobs they do, but I’m often made to feel like I’m un-American for not supporting them.

But those loopholes also allow for Political Action Committees and other politically-minded groups to ask for donations.  They usually are pre-recorded messages making the same outdated, outrageous, unfounded claims about the other party.  A while ago I posted The Republican Party Can Thank Me Later.   This is where I played along with one and pledged $800 Million to one of the biggest jackasses in modern US politics.

That was fun and I’ve done it a few more times since then.  I just got one from a complete scammer and had some fun with him.  I think I’m going to post more of these  –

Me – Hello?

Scammer  – Hello, may I speak to “Mrs. Hedonist?”

Me – Um, who is this?

Scammer – I’m calling to inform you that she is eligible for a $9000 US government grant that you never have to pay back.

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His strong foreign accent and broken English raised red flags immediately.  Oh, and the fact that getting cash is NEVER that easy.

Me – Really?

Scammer – Yes, let me verify your address… blah blah blah.

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“Blah Blah Blah” wasn’t actually the address he gave but, then again, the one he gave wasn’t anywhere near me.

Me – Sorry, that’s not right.  It’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

For those of you non-Americans, that’s the White House.

whitehouse.gov

whitehouse.gov

Then again, it’s probably helpful for many of you Americans as we’re pretty bad with geography.  Anyway, after spelling “Pennsylvania” for him, it continued –

Scammer – There are three options to get the money.  First is a Western Union trans-

Me – Nope.  I want cash.  US cash.

Scammer – Pardon me?

Me – I want it in $10 bills.

Scammer – No, it’s not just $10.  It’s 9000, and you never have to pay it back.

Me – In that case, I want it in one-dollar bills.  9000 of them.  In one of those aluminum suitcases.

Scammer – Ok, let me give you the contact information for my supervisor, who will make the arrangements.  Your confirmation number is K3858 and his name is Henry Foster.  He can be reached at (202) 657-4835.

Me – Thank you!  Who do you think is going to win the NBA Championship?

Scammer – Ok, goodbye.

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Obviously, I’m not going to call because he refused to give me his prediction.

I Googled the number and found all kinds of forums where people actually called.  The scammers were asking for people to wire money over to pay for check-mailing expenses.  I shook my head in disbelief that people still fall for this crap.  But then I remembered that this is a big country full of complete rubes.

Thus there will always be people doing this kind of scam.  And I’ll be here, teaching them a lesson.  One call at a time.

Have you received a similar call?  Any ideas for how else I can scam them – fake names, other landmarks? 

Is this real? If it is, Boom Boom’s going to be pissed that I lost out on her $9000.

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About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

9 comments on “Scamming the Scammers

  1. Heather @ Sweet Precision
    December 16, 2013

    Last year I read a great book about the culture behind Nigerian money scammers. It still shocks me that people fall prey to these scams. I love your plan of scamming the scammers! 😉

  2. armchairsommelier
    December 16, 2013

    Great post! I hate those calls! My husband likes to answer the phone with, “Hall of Justice. Batman speaking.” If they say we won money, he offers up an, “I don’t need money. I’m Batman.” It goes downhill (in a fun way) from there . . .

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      December 16, 2013

      Awesome! May have to use that one (w full credit to Mr Armchair Sommelier). I have another one done and will post soon. It’s both funny and uncomfortably creepy at the same time.

  3. the drunken cyclist
    December 16, 2013

    Wait, you mean the $18 million dollars that is going to be wired to me from a deposed African leader is just a hoax? I have half of that spent already! Some guy named Rudi had some sweet deals on some insane wine that I could not pass up….

  4. chef mimi
    December 17, 2013

    Hysterical. Why are the wine bloggers all so funny?!!!
    Multiple Sclerosis called me last night – it said Unknown Name. What? Are they not proud of the MS foundation for which they’re working? What’s the deal?

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      December 17, 2013

      Thanks! I agree that we wine bloggers are a funny lot. Funny as in “odd” not funny “ha-ha.” Maybe it’s the alcohol?

      • chef mimi
        December 17, 2013

        We all probably only blog after 5 o’clock…

  5. Pingback: Scamming the Scammers 2: La Versión Española | The Food and Wine Hedonist

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This entry was posted on December 16, 2013 by in Stuff and tagged , , , , , , .
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