The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

Scamming the Scammers 2: La Versión Española

It’s time for more fun with telemarketers!  Unfortunately, the Do Not Call Registry doesn’t cover everything and there are enough idiots who give money to strangers so there will always be cold-callers.  Since I can’t stop them, I’m going to punish them.  One at a time.  The first one chronicled here was for some supposedly free grant money.  

Here’s the next…



Since the Philippines was a Spanish colony for a couple hundred years, many of the people from there have Spanish last names. I’m one of them. Every once in while we get a break from the usual siding and roof salesmen and Fraternal Order of Police charity calls and receive one where the company assumes that we’re Latino. Usually the calls end when we kindly inform them that we don’t speak a lick of Spanish.

Here’s a recent one –

Me: Hello

Caller: Hola! Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, deep breath, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish

Me: I’m sorry I don’t speak Spanish

Caller: Spanish, Spanish, Spanish. Question mark.

Since I have no idea what she was trying to pitch, I don’t really know if it was a scam or political message. But since she ignored my rare instance of being polite and kept going, I’d have to assume she was both.

Me: Si!!!

Caller: (Getting excited) Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish

At this point, I decided to whip out my go-to Spanish phrase –

Me: Donde esta casa de Pepe?

Which translates to “Where is Pepe’s House?” Who’s Pepe? Who cares?!?!

Caller: Que? Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

Me: (Louder) Donde esta casa de Pepe?

Caller: Que? Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

Me: (Louder and slower) Donde esta casa de Pepe?



My kids witnessed the whole thing and were cracking up. Sure it may not have been the best life lesson for them. And maybe I’m raising a new batch of assholes, but it was some good bonding time.




About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

7 comments on “Scamming the Scammers 2: La Versión Española

  1. thewineraconteur
    April 2, 2014

    Donde esta el vino?

  2. El Guapo
    April 2, 2014

    Maybe keep a dictionary near the phone and just string random words together…

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      April 2, 2014

      Or actually learn Spanish? … NAH!!

      • El Guapo
        April 2, 2014

        I speak “kitchen Spanish” from my years working in restaurants.
        I can articulate some pretty unsavory things.

  3. domingosaurus
    April 16, 2014

    A method telemarketers were using for awhile was to call and ask for some random person, and if I would tell them they had the wrong number, they would say, “Oh maybe you can help me,” and then launch into whatever their marketing spiel was. I think this may have been some sort of loophole around the “No Call List” or something, because I got them a lot for awhile. Once I caught on, instead of saying they had the wrong number, I would say “Hold on, I’ll go get him” and then just set the phone back down and continue watching tv until they eventually hung up. It always made me happy. (It’s the little things.)

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