leave your inhibitions at the door
Hi, my name is John. And I’m a Food Snob.
Don’t let my occasional dalliances with White Castles and Pabst Blue Ribbon fool you, I’m the worst kind of elitist when it comes to food. A simple weekday dinner for two is often north of a hundred bucks. I REFUSE to let a crockpot into my home. I prefer my wine French. And you know how I feel about Trader Joe’s.
One day I was looking through my Facebook feed and I realized that I’m completely out of touch with mainstream America. I couldn’t believe what I saw. One person never had sushi. Another posted a picture of himself proudly hoisting a can of Miller Lite. I saw a link to a recipe that used Lipton Onion Soup. To top it all off, one couple was excited about a date night at – get this – frickin’ Applebees!
Obviously, the first question that came to my mind was, “How the hell are these people in my social network?” But then I started thinking that this is like many other things where my “normal” is quite different than 98% of the general populace. Then hit me that, in blogging about things that interest me, I’m missing out on a great unwashed mass market. I really should be writing about where all the rubes go to eat.
I always thought it would be funny to send Anthony Bourdain or someone else accustomed to eating the best food on earth to a Burger King. Andrew Zimmern makes a living from eating peasant food from other countries. Why not send him to where the peasants here eat – like an Arby’s or something like that. Rather than pitch the idea to Travel Channel, I’m going to start doing it myself.
Taco Bell Breakfast
Earlier this year, Taco Bell announced that they were going to start serving breakfast. This made perfect sense to me. People would go there in the wee early hours of the day for a bag full of crunchy tacos. And in my younger days there were times that I showed up past closing time. So why not keep the groove going and serve the chicken ranch gordita at 5 or 6 AM?
What?!? They created a menu full of breakfast-y quasi-Mexican food? The Waffle Taco sounds promising. Alright, I’m game.
So how’d they do? Awful. Just plain awful.
The eggs in all of the items were completely bland, as was the sausage. The “steak” in the the cheesy breakfast burrito was grey and rubbery. I couldn’t really figure out what the hell the waffle tasted like, but it was bad. And that Cinnabon thing? I took half a bite and spit it out all over the inside of my car’s windshield.
The only thing that was mildly interesting was the Crunchwrap. Putting the hash brown inside gave it a good mix of textures. Flavorwise, it was still pretty bland. It took 3-4 of the sauce packets to become edible.
The worst part? The coffee. To their credit, it was hot, but there was nothing else to it. Like the eggs, it was devoid of what us food lovers refer to as “flavor.”
I really hope they see the light and decide to serve the Burritos Supreme and other regular menu items at that time. They’d make a killing!
Have you had Taco Bell breakfast? Did you notice my grammatically correct pluralization of “Burrito Supreme?”
Any other commoner restaurants I should check out?