The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

Food for Commoners – Taco Bell Breakfast

Hi, my name is John. And I’m a Food Snob.

Don’t let my occasional dalliances with White Castles and Pabst Blue Ribbon fool you, I’m the worst kind of elitist when it comes to food.  A simple weekday dinner for two is often north of a hundred bucks.  I REFUSE to let a crockpot into my home.  I prefer my wine French.  And you know how I feel about Trader Joe’s.

One day I was looking through my Facebook feed and I realized that I’m completely out of touch with mainstream America.  I couldn’t believe what I saw.  One person never had sushi.  Another posted a picture of himself proudly hoisting a can of Miller Lite.  I saw a link to a recipe that used Lipton Onion Soup.  To top it all off, one couple was excited about a date night at – get this – frickin’ Applebees!

Obviously, the first question that came to my mind was, “How the hell are these people in my social network?”  But then I started thinking that this is like many other things where my “normal” is quite different than 98% of the general populace.    Then hit me that, in blogging about things that interest me, I’m missing out on a great unwashed mass market.  I really should be writing about where all the rubes go to eat.

I always thought it would be funny to send Anthony Bourdain or someone else accustomed to eating the best food on earth to a Burger King.  Andrew Zimmern makes a living from eating peasant food from other countries.  Why not send him to where the peasants here eat – like an Arby’s or something like that.  Rather than pitch the idea to Travel Channel, I’m going to start doing it myself.

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Taco Bell Breakfast

Earlier this year, Taco Bell announced that they were going to start serving breakfast.  This made perfect sense to me.  People would go there in the wee early hours of the day for a bag full of crunchy tacos.  And in my younger days there were times that I showed up past closing time.  So why not keep the groove going and serve the chicken ranch gordita at 5 or 6 AM?

What?!? They created a menu full of breakfast-y quasi-Mexican food?  The Waffle Taco sounds promising.  Alright, I’m game.

Tbell waffle taco

Waffle Taco – a waffle topped with sausage, eggs, and cheese with some syrup.

AM Crunchwrap - eggs, cheese, bacon, and a hash brown wrapped in a grilled tortilla

AM Crunchwrap – eggs, cheese, bacon, and a hash brown wrapped in a grilled tortilla

Cinnabon delights – warm, bite-sized pastries filled with Cinnabon frosting, coated with cinnamon and sugar. (Taco Bell’s picture, not mine)

Cinnabon delights – warm, bite-sized pastries filled with Cinnabon frosting, coated with cinnamon and sugar. (Taco Bell’s picture, not mine)

Cheesy Burrito with steak and egg. (Also Taco Bell’s picture, not mine)

Cheesy Burrito with steak and egg. (Also Taco Bell’s picture, not mine)

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So how’d they do?  Awful.  Just plain awful.

The eggs in all of the items were completely bland, as was the sausage.  The “steak” in the the cheesy breakfast burrito was grey and rubbery.  I couldn’t really figure out what the hell the waffle tasted like, but it was bad.  And that Cinnabon thing?  I took half a bite and spit it out all over the inside of my car’s windshield.

The only thing that was mildly interesting was the Crunchwrap.  Putting the hash brown inside gave it a good mix of textures.  Flavorwise, it was still pretty bland.  It took 3-4 of the sauce packets to become edible.

TBell AM Crunch 2

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The worst part? The coffee. To their credit, it was hot, but there was nothing else to it. Like the eggs, it was devoid of what us food lovers refer to as “flavor.”

I really hope they see the light and decide to serve the Burritos Supreme and other regular menu items at that time.  They’d make a killing!

 

Have you had Taco Bell breakfast? Did you notice my grammatically correct pluralization of “Burrito Supreme?”

Any other commoner restaurants I should check out?

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About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

20 comments on “Food for Commoners – Taco Bell Breakfast

  1. gabrieleneumann
    July 24, 2014

    I have a shameful soft spot for the soup salad and breadsticks lunch at Olive Garden. And mozzarella sticks at any sort of fast food restaurant…I’m a sucker for deep fried cheese.

    • Max D
      July 24, 2014

      Same here with mozz stix, but about ten seconds after the last bite, I’m regretting thew whole thing, and I repeat the words every hung over person utters: “I will never again do this. . .”

      • gabrieleneumann
        July 24, 2014

        Hahaha! My only mozz sticks regret is along the line of “a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips”

    • Megan @ MegGoesNomNom
      July 24, 2014

      I second the soft spot for S/S/B lunch at OG. 🙂

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 24, 2014

      Had a friend in college who worked there and he hooked us up w the bread sticks! They were good!

  2. Max D
    July 24, 2014

    I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw the photo of the waffle taco.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 24, 2014

      I had high hopes for that…

      • Max D
        July 24, 2014

        Well, mission accomplished. Seriously, if you had written a caption below that phot that read, “This photo shows the results of a colonoscopy explosion,” I would’ve totally believed it. And frankly, I would’ve been less disgusted.

  3. dwdirwin
    July 24, 2014

    I must say those look pretty awful. We have quite the selection of great places to eat here in Napa but my kids would still ask to go to Applebees! We’re working on them and they are slowly beginning to see the light, but with 4 of them, we can’t afford to take them to nicer places-haha.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 24, 2014

      Unfortunately I’m raising a bunch of food snobs. They’ve never been to Applebee’s but make fun of it based on our comments.

  4. Denise
    July 24, 2014

    It’s funny, in my WordPress feed I get a lovely blog from a lady in California and she is always posting pictures of the amazing fusion, Oriental and just generally wow! cuisine that she seems to be either cooking or ordering round where she lives. It makes me think – we don’t get anything so sublime in England.

    There’s nothing wrong with the sorts of foods you’re posting. Just better quality please and not all on one plate at the same time!!! It’s like a recipe for indigestion. Cheese and syrup actually made me laugh – is that for real??

  5. foxress
    July 24, 2014

    Horrifying! I think you should check out KFC, just as a dare. #Howdoyoukfc?

  6. Salty Sweet Life
    July 25, 2014

    This was hilarious! I can’t believe you subjected yourself to Taco Bell breakfast! You are truly suffering for your craft!

  7. armchairsommelier
    July 25, 2014

    I just had to take a sympathy swig of Pepto for you! I can’t stand Applebees (TGIFridays, Ruby Tuesday, they’re all pretty much the same restaurant). Who’s up for some extreme-chili-cheese-fajita-poppers? 😉 I have a family member who considers Applebees “pretty upscale”. Shudder. I will admit to owning and using the hell out of a Crockpot, though. So . . . when do you try one of those roller-dogs from 7-Eleven?

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      July 25, 2014

      I’ve had those but am willing to try again. I’m just thankful no one mentioned gas station sushi.

  8. rachelocal
    July 25, 2014

    You tried…the waffle taco???? I’m hanging my head in shame (for you). I do applaud your effort to be like the common folk, though.

  9. Yinzerella
    July 25, 2014

    I used to love Taco Bell’s Nacho Bel Grande. Not as good as it once was.
    But I live for White Castle. And I love McDonalds. Dairy Queen drives me wild. And I have Pizza Hut at least once a year. I am down with that shit.
    I am gross.

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This entry was posted on July 24, 2014 by in Dining and tagged , , , , .
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