The Food and Wine Hedonist

leave your inhibitions at the door

Dinner With Assholes

So about that near-disaster before our dinner at Wright and Company

We went a couple months ago with the kids to celebrate our anniversary.   We just saw the terrific Frida Kahlo/Diego Rivera exhibit at the DIA and got to the restaurant as around 6-ish.  They don’t take reservations but called ahead and heard the wait was only about 20 minutes.    We were tired and starving, so that wait was doable.

To get to the restaurant, you enter a tiny lobby on the side of the building and take an elevator to the second floor.  I sent Boom Boom and the kids ahead of me while I parked the car.   As I approached the lobby entrance, I kindly let two older couples in ahead of me.   My family had pressed the elevator button and began making small talk with the couples about how small the lobby was.

When the doors opened, we let the two couples in first because….you know… nice.   We didn’t realize, however, that we’d be exiting the elevator on the opposite side. So the two couples got out of the elevator first and proceeded to the hostess stand.   Boom Boom and I were looking at each other wondering if they were going to do what we thought they were going to do.


They didn’t think twice about putting their name in before us.   The result – their wait was 20 minutes. Ours was an hour. It wasn’t because we had five and they had four as the table they ended up getting could’ve accommodated us. We just got caught at exactly the wrong moment.   Man was I pissed.

Old Couples 1, Hedonist 0.

We decided to take a walk around while we waited. But before we left, I wanted to make a quick comment to them. Boom Boom begged me not to make a scene as she quickly ushered the kids away.  I knew saying something might ruin our evening.  But it was too late for that.   I had to say something because at least it would ruin theirs as well.

Sorry, honey. They’re going to get what they deserve.

Me: I hope you’re proud.

Guy: I’m sorry, what?

Me: I hope you’re proud of yourself for cutting in front of a family that was CLEARLY here before you.

Guy: (With smirk) I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me: You know exactly what I’m talking about. We were in line for the elevator before you and let you enter first.  But you went ahead and took our table and now we have to wait an hour.

Other Guy: (Equally as smug) We didn’t see you there.

Me: Bullshit.  How the fuck do you not notice a family of five standing in front of you waiting for an elevator you fucking old-ass white cocksucker.

Both couples: (Jaws dropped in complete silence).


Seriously, that’s what I said.   Before I get to my final zinger, let me describe them.    All in their early 60s, dressed like WASPy suburbanites, with money oozing from their pores. Kinda like this…



… minus the black jacket.  And minus the humility.

I’ve encountered these types a thousand times and I also can tell when someone’s being condescending towards me.

Me: And stop looking at me like I’m trash that’s below you. (Pointing to my watch)   I have a Rolex, too, but I’M NOT A FUCKING ASSHOLE ABOUT IT.


If I had a microphone, I would’ve dropped it then and there.  It’s all true – the events, the people, the dialog, even the watch. Although sometimes I am truly a fucking asshole.

Old Couples 1, Hedonist 1.


They had every opportunity to set things right, but they didn’t. All would’ve been forgiven if, while we were out, they told the hostess to call me up and give us the next table.

But noooooo.

When we got back to the restaurant it turned out that we would be eating a couple tables down from them. As we walked past their table, I made eye contact with them and they immediately stopped their conversation. The two women just quietly stared down at their plates. They barely spoke to each other the rest of the dinner.

Game, set, and match to Hedonist.


What would you have done?




About thefoodandwinehedonist

I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

23 comments on “Dinner With Assholes

  1. fascinatorium
    September 3, 2015

    If only I had a Rolex, just so I could do the very same thing.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 3, 2015

      If ur ever in NY, just go to Chinatown and u can get one for $20. It may be spelled Roleks, but who cares?

      • fascinatorium
        September 3, 2015

        Oh, I work in Brooklyn, I can get that and a Gooci, too. Wouldn’t you know it, I just held the bank door open for an old lady with a cane and she scooted right on the ATM line I was gunning for. Same, not the same…

        • thefoodandwinehedonist
          September 3, 2015

          The cane is probably what would hold me back… mostly because dropping f-bombs on her might get me struck

  2. Whine And Cheers For Wine
    September 3, 2015

    You are braver than I! LOL

  3. Mysterious
    September 3, 2015

    Personally, I’m pretty wimpy. I would have just stewed about it and given myself an ulcer over it. But I’m glad you had the guts to tell them off and get it off your chest. It’s better than me with my stewing.

    However, and while I love the idea of glaring at them all night, I hope that didn’t stunt your own dinner much as I’m glad they got their just desserts, more or less.

    By the way,if you had said you’d punched them I’d have been against that, but you found some appropriate ways to respond and I think that people who act like that deserve what they get – actions come with consequences.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 3, 2015

      Yes, consequences… Most of the time people like that are rarely called out on it and they often dismiss it. But a part of me is hopefully they’ll make a small change. Nah, ain’t gonna happen. And I didn’t glare at them all night, only an occasional glance over there. The dinner was so amaze balls that it more than made up for the incident. Thanks!!

  4. elizabeth
    September 3, 2015

    Kudos to you on standing up for yourself–I’d like to think I would do something similar, but honestly, I think it would depend on how hangry I was and frankly, if I had a glass of wine in me or similar. 🙂

  5. Michelle Williams
    September 3, 2015

    Honestly, I would have let it go and considered it an act of service. Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 3, 2015

      Perhaps. But it sure was fun. Those are all words that are part of my regular vocabulary and I rarely get the chance to express myself like that to strangers.

  6. Go Jules Go
    September 3, 2015

    My ‘stache glasses are off to you, my friend. (Now that I’ve distracted you, I plan to steal your watch and go tell off the a-hole I just dealt with at Walgreens.)

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 3, 2015

      haha! I mentioned to another commenter that a quick trip to NYC Chinatown and $20 is all you need for a genuine Rolecks. That should work

  7. dwdirwin
    September 3, 2015

    Just curious- was it the type of people they were and how they responded? If it had been another family would you have done the same thing? I’m not so great with the confrontational stuff- I leave that to my husband 😉

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 3, 2015

      No, no, no… if it was a family I would’ve been much more civil. It was the looks on their faces that they just got away with a fast one. I also seriously doubt a family would cut like that.

      • dwdirwin
        September 3, 2015

        We get a lot of that type in Napa so I get what you’re saying 🙂 Depending on how hangry we all were, I might cut in front of you- haha kidding! I’ve actually been cut in front of by a family before and this with my 4 kids and a few extras. It was at Applebee’s though…

  8. talkavino
    September 3, 2015

    I’m sure I wouldn’t have the courage to be so straightforward with the choice of words. I perfectly understand that their matter-of-factly and condescending reaction got you going. I also understand that you were really, really hungry… Well, thank you for taking one for team 🙂 Surely like to watch this type of scenes in the movies 🙂

    • thefoodandwinehedonist
      September 4, 2015

      It didn’t take much courage. Language like that is part of my everyday vocabulary…

  9. ksbeth
    September 3, 2015


  10. Anonymous
    February 17, 2016

    If this is your everyday language, it just shows how ignorant you are. Will never be visiting this site again.

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This entry was posted on September 3, 2015 by in Dining, Stuff and tagged , , , , .
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