leave your inhibitions at the door
So about that near-disaster before our dinner at Wright and Company…
We went a couple months ago with the kids to celebrate our anniversary. We just saw the terrific Frida Kahlo/Diego Rivera exhibit at the DIA and got to the restaurant as around 6-ish. They don’t take reservations but called ahead and heard the wait was only about 20 minutes. We were tired and starving, so that wait was doable.
To get to the restaurant, you enter a tiny lobby on the side of the building and take an elevator to the second floor. I sent Boom Boom and the kids ahead of me while I parked the car. As I approached the lobby entrance, I kindly let two older couples in ahead of me. My family had pressed the elevator button and began making small talk with the couples about how small the lobby was.
When the doors opened, we let the two couples in first because….you know… nice. We didn’t realize, however, that we’d be exiting the elevator on the opposite side. So the two couples got out of the elevator first and proceeded to the hostess stand. Boom Boom and I were looking at each other wondering if they were going to do what we thought they were going to do.
They didn’t think twice about putting their name in before us. The result – their wait was 20 minutes. Ours was an hour. It wasn’t because we had five and they had four as the table they ended up getting could’ve accommodated us. We just got caught at exactly the wrong moment. Man was I pissed.
Old Couples 1, Hedonist 0.
We decided to take a walk around while we waited. But before we left, I wanted to make a quick comment to them. Boom Boom begged me not to make a scene as she quickly ushered the kids away. I knew saying something might ruin our evening. But it was too late for that. I had to say something because at least it would ruin theirs as well.
Sorry, honey. They’re going to get what they deserve.
Me: I hope you’re proud.
Guy: I’m sorry, what?
Me: I hope you’re proud of yourself for cutting in front of a family that was CLEARLY here before you.
Guy: (With smirk) I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me: You know exactly what I’m talking about. We were in line for the elevator before you and let you enter first. But you went ahead and took our table and now we have to wait an hour.
Other Guy: (Equally as smug) We didn’t see you there.
Me: Bullshit. How the fuck do you not notice a family of five standing in front of you waiting for an elevator you fucking old-ass white cocksucker.
Both couples: (Jaws dropped in complete silence).
Seriously, that’s what I said. Before I get to my final zinger, let me describe them. All in their early 60s, dressed like WASPy suburbanites, with money oozing from their pores. Kinda like this…
… minus the black jacket. And minus the humility.
I’ve encountered these types a thousand times and I also can tell when someone’s being condescending towards me.
Me: And stop looking at me like I’m trash that’s below you. (Pointing to my watch) I have a Rolex, too, but I’M NOT A FUCKING ASSHOLE ABOUT IT.
If I had a microphone, I would’ve dropped it then and there. It’s all true – the events, the people, the dialog, even the watch. Although sometimes I am truly a fucking asshole.
Old Couples 1, Hedonist 1.
They had every opportunity to set things right, but they didn’t. All would’ve been forgiven if, while we were out, they told the hostess to call me up and give us the next table.
When we got back to the restaurant it turned out that we would be eating a couple tables down from them. As we walked past their table, I made eye contact with them and they immediately stopped their conversation. The two women just quietly stared down at their plates. They barely spoke to each other the rest of the dinner.
Game, set, and match to Hedonist.
What would you have done?