leave your inhibitions at the door
Why are you laughing?
It’s true in so many ways. We’re both damn good looking even though we’re on the wrong side of forty. We’re both adored and emulated by people around the world. We both have been on television shows – History Channel for me (which I should tell you about sometime) and some little-known NBC sitcom for her.
And we both have been equally honored by People Magazine’s Most Beautiful list.
OK, that last one’s a little stretch. But I’d like to point out that she’s only won it one more time than I have.
But seriously, there’s one thing that sticks out that makes me wonder whether Jen and I came from the same uterus. Correction – make that two things that stick out. Here’s Jen.
And here’s me.
Can you pick out what it is? No? How about now –
Yup, we both suffer from EN-SOLAR (Erect Nipples Shooting Out Like Rockets). It doesn’t matter what the temperature is, whether we’re inside or out. Our nipples are constantly poking out at people.
Ummm, excuse me. My face is up here.
When I work out, I’m particularly fond of thinner, softer, form-fitting t-shirts. They are more comfortable and don’t flap around or bunch up. But that thinness makes my affliction all the more visable.
But even when I wear thicker t-shirts, they still shine through.
Then again, I probably shouldn’t be wearing that one in public.
I thought that wearing shirts with patterns might help obscure them or draw attention away from then.
They still poke through when I’m wearing a damn sweater.
At least with Jen, she can wear a padded bra. No such luck for me as the Manziere hasn’t yet hit stores.
It’s also not fair that – as any pubescent boy can tell you – it’s a helluva lot sexier on a chick.
See what I mean? It’s just not fair.
This post originally appeared on Long Awkward Pause, the online humor mag that I occasionally contribute to. Go go go on over there for some great laughs!!