leave your inhibitions at the door
It’s been a while since I’ve written a music post and even longer while since I’ve written about the Holidays. Yes, I said “Holidays.” This weekend is also the first night of Hanukkah for you Members of the Tribe and Monday is the first day of Kwanzaa for those of you who celebrate African-American culture that way.
“Holidays” also applies to celebrations that are neither religious or spiritual, too. Like Boxing Day, which I’m still disappointed is not about strapping on gloves and beating each other silly like Marvelous Marvin Hagler did to John “The Beast” Mugabe.
Whatever the heck you believe in, feel free to wish me any of those.
Wait a minute. Let me amend that. If your faith involves wearing all black clothes, running shoes, and a tinfoil hat to cover your crewcut as you await the Nebulons to come in their krypton-covered waffle maker which has been constructed to withstand the sheer energy forces of the double-helix time-space wormhole triad that’s needed to reach Earth so said Nebulons can come and take you away to a wholly celibate paradise in the upper reaches of the Xanadu galaxy where you spend all day counting space crabs…. don’t bother to wish me Happy Holidays. And get off my lawn. And lose my phone number.
Please don’t take “Happy Holidays” as an assault on Christmas or Christianity. Like this douchebag –
I came across this on Facebook and he’s one of those Jesus bros who are yelling like a badass against Political Correctness and assaults on Christianity. Seriously, I don’t think that there hasn’t been an assault on Christianity since the days of Russell Crowe showing off his legs in a Coliseum.
Side note – did anyone else thing that “Gladiator” was going to be a sequel to “Silence of the Lambs?” No? OK, never mind…
Christmas is not under assault. Let’s talk when people have to hide their crucifixes behind a mirror. Or when people have to light their trees in underground caverns. Or when radio stations stop playing Christmas songs all-day everyday starting on November 1st.
I’ve seen dozens of those videos featuring guys preaching to us from their car. And there are just as many videos of people answering back at them from… also filmed in their car. Seriously, JUST DRIVE YOUR FRICKING CAR AND STOP TALKING INTO A CAMERA!!! Get off the roads and go back to your mother’s basement and preach from there. Or if you’re really that good of a minister, rent a damn storefront and start holding services and interacting with live people.
Great. Now I’m pissed on one of the happiest weekends of the year. Sorry if I got you all riled up, too.
Here’s a car video to get us back into the Holiday spirit…
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Joyous Kwanzaa! And beep-doot-beep-beep-ZAWOOP-ding-ding to all you Nebulon worshippers!